I See Hot People!!

I seem to be getting more and more attractive as I get older. I can only guess that it has to be the fact that I haven’t worked out in months and I haven’t been eatin healthy either. I’ve become so lazy with my appearance that I’m only shaving twice a week instead of three times. In fact as I type this for the first time in my life I’m growing a full beard and not some random patch on my chin or goatee. I just don’t care anymore. I have absolutely zero reason to care. But it seems my lack of concern has paid off in a big way… because now… I’m hot!

Now don’t get me wrong… this whole gettin more attractive thing is not my personal opinion. I’m definitely not that full of myself. It’s the results of a very intricate and flawless scientific algorithm used by some of the very smartest and well respected people in the entire world. Think Einstein. Think the people at the datin site… okcupid.com. Yep they’ve added me to their “A-List” and I am now officially “Hot!”

Ya see… somewhere around mid 2010 they changed their site so that based on these algorithms it would lead beautiful people to beautiful people and keep all you ugly people at what I guess would could call “I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole” range.

Well today… I officially became Hot!! Check it out… here’s the actual letter I got from them…

You are Hot!

Hey Halos-n-Horns, We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver. Did you get a new haircut or something? Well, it's working! To celebrate, we've adjusted your OkCupid experience: You'll see more attractive people in your match results. This won't affect your match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But we'll recommend more attractive people to you. You'll also appear more often to other attractive people. Sign in to see your newly-shuffled matches. Have fun, and don't let this go to your head.

Halos-N-Horns… that’s me!!! :D I am now among the most attractive people on okcupid!!! Don’t let it go to my head? Why the fuck not? I’m fuckin hot now!!! I mean now I will log into okcupid.com and only see the people I should have been seein right from the start. In fact let’s do a search…

Well alrighty then… apparently there are no hot women on okcupid within a 25 mile radius of 17601 because I’m seein the same exact women I was seein when I was an ugly mutha fucka. I mean there’s not even one woman I see on there that I don’t recognize from before I was hot.  Luckily for me if this algorithm works the ugly people won’t be able to see me anymore and I won’t get any more of those annoying emails from people obviously beneath my newfound hotness.

I’m feelin soooo much better about myself after gettin that email from them. We have these mirrors on the ceiling in the hallways here at work that we can use so that we can see people comin around corners and all of that. Of course I always thought mirrors on the ceiling had more erotic purposes so I’m thinkin to myself that maybe I’m not usin them the right way. So I’m walkin towards one of them and I see this hot guy walkin towards me and it looks like we’re gonna collide at the corner… only to realize that that hot guy is now me!! I can see the difference. Thank you okcupid.com for makin me so fuckin hot!!

I guess now I have to up my standards quite a bit. I will no longer be settling for merely beautiful women. I have a feelin this new found hotness is gonna change my luck with the ladies… or maybe the men… who knows? But I get the feelin I won’t be single much longer because now I'm Hot!!!