Why is it that sometimes my decision making skills resemble a squirrel tryin to cross the street?
So there I was layin there last night in bed tryin to make the decision… Do I? Or don’t I? It wasn’t the hardest question of them all too answer. You’re attracted to her… you have great conversation with her… you enjoy spendin time with her… just fuckin ask her out you pussy.
But there I was just like the squirrel. You know how he starts to run across the street… you know he’s got plenty of room and you know he’s gonna make it safely but he stops and freezes anyway and at the last second… he runs back to where he started.
Of course I never
made it across the street last night and I never went back where I started… I
was like go… don’t go… go… don’t go… go… don’t go… oh shit… SPLAT!!! I froze
and did nothing…
Aaaaaanyway… I noticed something
last night while I was thinkin… I’ve noticed that for some reason the women who
tell me I’m a “great listener” tend to have smaller boobs. I guess the bigger
they are the more I tend to lose focus?
Why is it whenever you’re in an
argument with someone and you tell them to “calm down”… they seem to get
madder?
I have a female friend whose son
has a stutterin problem… at the same time she tells me she never used her
vibrator when she was pregnant. I call bulshit!
Am I the only person who’s ever
had to get over someone emotionally that they’ve never actually dated?
Do women leave there hair
everywhere as a way to mark their territory?
I love oral sex both givin and
receivin but am I the only one that finds it weird that an attractive face is
the criteria by which we decide whether or not to put our mouths around the
area that someone pees from?
It’s been a pretty rough year for
me so far. My girlfriend and I broke up… I spent 4 days in the hospital which
costs me my arm and my leg... which I’m surprised they didn’t charge me for
also when they removed those as well. I owed money on my taxes… I bought a new
used car and 7 months later in the very same week I’m replacin the alternator
and the back windshield. It’s a foreign car so I watched them take my other arm
and leg for that. They let me keep my penis though which at this point serves
me no purpose… I already told you I lost my girlfriend and my hands were
attached to my arms.
This day is goin sooooooo fuckin
slooooow… 12:43:01… 12:43:02… 12:43:03… Come on 5 o’clock!!
See? Now I went in did it? I
mentioned the ex-girlfriend and now I’m thinkin about her. Maaaan do I ever
miss her smile.
The story of the most recent
ex-girlfriend and me is quite the long one. I’ll get into that in my next
entry. In fact I’m gonna stop writin this one and get to work on that one. :P
It is probably the most difficult and most rewardin relationship I’ve ever been
in. Lots of tears… lots of smiles… lots of hurdles and lots of love. But in the
end… there were just a couple of things that we were never gonna get passed
that we would have needed to overcome to be successful as a couple.
Then the ex-Amish girl… I wanna
talk about her too.
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