The Adventures of “Mr. Fixit”…

I’ve gotten the nickname “Mr. Fixit” from a couple of my friends. Not because I’m handy with tools or anything like that. I mean I could probably name a bunch of tools for ya but I’m not sure I’d be able to tell you what they do.  

No this nickname comes from the fact that I seem to always attract the same type of women. Women that are emotionally damaged and lookin for some self-confidence and to feel wanted again.

Honestly I’m not sure why this always happens but if I’m being honest I’ve wondered if there’s somethin in my sub-consciousness that attracts me to them too. I always seem to be the guy they spend time with to heal and then once healed they move on. Maybe it’s my patience... or the fact that I’m a great listener… or that I’m compassionate.

The last woman I dated for 8 months. The first 5 months of that was the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through in a relationship other than havin my own girlfriend die. In this case that experience helped tremendously. You see… the last woman I dated was a widow. And me? I was the first guy she dated since his death. The story goes like this…

I’m on match.com… I’m frustrated at the results… I’m sad… I’m bored with it havin the same people over and over and I’m sooooo tired of all the fake accounts on there. So despite the fact that I’d met some great people on there it was clear that I’d milked it dry and was done with it. So… I quit.

On the very last day of my membership I get a response from a woman that I’d emailed probably like 2 weeks before. She’d never answered. Her email was an apology for not respondin… she’d missed my email when she’d started talkin to someone else. That someone else ended up bein a dick and she’d decided that he helped her figure out that she wasn’t really ready to date yet. But she wanted to thank me for my very sweet email and wish me luck.

I wrote her back only minutes later and I got nosey and asked what had happened. I was not prepared to get the answer I got from her.

She began to tell me the story of her husband and how he’d passed away. She thought she’d gotten to the point in her life where she was ready to date again. After her one experience she decided that she really wasn’t. This guy and her on match never got passed the email stage and she was already sure she wasn’t ready for all the bullshit games that came along with datin.

We talked back and forth for a good hour through email. The conversation flowed so easily it was amazin. Finally I said listen… I realize you’re not ready but I’ve enjoyed talkin to you. What would you think about becomin friends and maybe meetin for a drink? I promised that I had no other intentions and between her and I… that was the absolute truth. Aaaanyway… She loved the idea.

So one Sunday night we agree to meet up at this local outdoor bar. I got there a few minutes early as I normally do so I sat out on the bench and waited for her. As I’m sittin there I get a call from her tellin me that she’s runnin a little late and that she thinks she’s about 10 minutes out.

Not two minutes later I’m sittin there and this absolutely gorgeous woman walks by me. I actually said out loud… to myself of course… “Daaaaaamnn!!” when she walked by. I even thought to myself “wow I wish that was the girl that was comin to see me”.

Seconds later my phone rings again. She’s there already… I was like ok I’m sittin out front where are you? She’s like I just walked in… I’m comin out now. So I’m watchin the entrance and out walks this woman with the phone to her ear lookin around. The very same woman that stopped me in my tracks and made me say “Daaaaaamnn!!”

The rest of the night was like a blur. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her… she was beautiful. I couldn’t stop listenin to the sound of her voice. It was surreal. But I knew the limits. I knew what I had promised. I knew we were there… as friends.

I won’t get into all the little details from there or all the little moments that got us to where we went. I’ll just say that the more time we spent as friends the more we wanted to spend together. And within 2 weeks she was asking me out… she wanted to be a couple with me. Thanked me for all the smiles and happiness I’d brought into her life and her sons life.

She’d obviously never been around someone as playful and silly as me. In fact it took her a while to understand that my teasin of her came from a love of her and that I would never say anything in a malicious way to hurt her.

We had so much fun together it was amazin. The problem as I mentioned before was that I was the first person she dated since her husband passed away. So each and every little step we took came with mountains of guilt for her to work through.

It came with the first time we held hands… the first time we kissed… the first time she saw me outside playin soccer with her son… the first time I ate dinner in his chair… basically the first time we did anything and of course… the first time we had sex which was the hardest one of all.

But I understood why she’d take a step back after each one of those things. I took everything at her pace. I never asked for more and I sometimes excepted less. Why wouldn’t I? I mean I don’t remember ever bein happier… why would I need to rush it any faster?

She appreciated my patience. She absolutely loved the fact that I never backed down from talkin about her husband or what she was feelin anytime she wanted to. In fact she told me how much she loved the fact that I would bring him up and ask questions sometimes. She hated the fact that her friends and family kinda tried to avoid the subject and walked on egg shells around it.

Sex was obviously the most difficult one. A lot of our steps came with tears from the guilt but this more than anything. It was 3 days where she was just so down and upset about it. When she finally came to me and said that it was hittin her harder because she enjoyed bein with me that way more than she ever did with him.

Now I know you can probably get some sort of idea of how hard all of this was for her… but what you’re probably not noticin was just how hard this all was for me.

I had the easier end of the deal. I don’t deny that even a little. Although she’d try to explain how she was feelin I doubt that I was even able to understand half of it through her words. But honestly… most of the people we date have been in relationships before us. They usually end in break ups… so no matter how much you loved that person you can usually find a reason to take off the rose colored glasses and see that they weren’t as great as you thought they were. In many cases there’s even some very strong bitter feelins towards them.

It’s not like her husband was in the next town visitin his son every other weekend and sendin child support payments. It’s not like he had beaten her physically or mentally. Or left her for another woman. Or simply fallen out of love with her. They were happy and were lookin forward to the rest of their lives together.

That’s what was so hard. He honestly he sounded like such a great guy and it seemed that treated her like a princess. After all the stories she told me about him I even admired him for the man he was. She was head over heels in love with him. He was “the one”.

So no matter what I did… no matter how great I was or how great we were together he was always gonna be “the one” and I was always gonna be the one she settled for because she couldn’t have him. Make no mistake if he was alive and we were both put in front of her and she had to chose… she would have chosen him every time. Do you know how that feels?

I understand it totally. I don’t blame her one bit for it but that was something I was always gonna have to struggle with. She didn’t try to make me feel that way. Other than a couple of arguments early on where she would say that there’s something he would have handled differently. But that didn’t last long. She was a very smart woman and figured out herself that she couldn’t continue to compare me.

I was over her house almost every night for the entire time we dated. More than once on the drive home I would break into tears myself and wonder if I could continue to do it. I mean I’m out here lookin for someone to believe that I’m “the one”. I want to be loved like that… not settled for. I knew though that that was my choice… I could either stay with this amazin woman and realize that no matter who her husband was that I was lucky enough to be the one she chose to spend her life with… or I could move on. I just didn’t want to lose her.

Over time we got passed all of the guilt. It was about 5 months in when I finally felt a little at ease with that. We were in love and it was such an incredible feelin to be loved by someone as beautiful as she was inside and out.

Of course this story is about an ex-girlfriend though so obviously the happiness ended. There were just a few big things about us that we tried to work through but eventually figured we’d never be able to compromise on or get through. There were some things I needed that she couldn’t provide and some things she needed that I couldn’t provide So on the very same day we both had the thought that we’d gone as far as we could go.

I take pride in the fact that I was the one she trusted enough to go through all that with. She’s thankful to me for my love, understandin, patience and laughter I brought into her life. I will always love the woman she is and always be disappointed that there was an end to us. She had such a HUGE heart and it will be missed. I’m startin to tear even as I write this… but we’re both better off this way. There’s someone better for each of us out there… or at least that’s what I continue to tell myself.